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Seen, Heard, Said

Things I’ve seen, heard, or was told by someone. Item in this category usually originate from the Internet.

Kit’s Movie List

Alive (based on true story)

Broken Arrow

The Last Battalion (based on TS)

Broken Arrow

Con Air

The Ghost and the Darkness (based on TS)

The Edge

First Knight

Far and Away (great cinematography)

Heist

Last Man Standing

The Negotiator (if you haven’t seen it yet, stop what you’re doing and get it)

Reindeer Games

Reservoir Dogs (tarantino’s movie be for pulp fiction)

The Saint

Snake Eyes

Spy Game

Swordfish

Top Gun

Thunderbolt and Lightfoot (oldie but goodie)

Toy Soldiers

Volcano

Casino

The Client

Donnie Brascoe

Elizabeth

Erin Brockovich (another TS)

Field of Dreams

For Love of the Game

Forever Young

Good Will Hunting

The Green Mile

Les Miserables (I know, but it’s a classic)

The Messenger

Mr. Holland’s Opus

Quiz Show (based on TS)

A River runs through it

Rob Roy

Rudy (based on TS)

Misery

Glen Garry/Glen Ross

Conspiracy

Spawn

Enigma (somewhat TS)

Fargo

The Insider (TS)

Seven

Sleepy Hollow

Suicide Kings

Total Recall

Chariots of Fire

Driving Miss Daisy

Platoon

Rain Man

So, I married an axe murder (Mike Meyers)

Corky Romano

Amadeus

Remember the Titans

The Score

A Beautiful Mind

October Sky

A Civil Action

Girl, Interrupted

61* (great baseball movie)

I am Sam

Finding Forrester

The Rookie (TS)

Harry Potter 1 & 2

Three Kings

Reign of Fire

Cliff Hanger

Entrapment

Out of Sight

Robin Hood (w/Kevin Costner)

BraveHeart (just in case)

The Long Kiss Goodnight (you’ll also like)

A Simple Plan

Rules of Engagement

The Rock

Shaft (new version)

Full Metal Jacket

Enemy at the Gates

Romancing the Stone

Brotherhood of the Wolf (gotta watch the entire movie)

Crimson Tide

Payback

Enemy of the State

Perfect Storm

Count of Monte Cristo

The Horse Whisperer

The Pledge

Unbreakable

Changing Lanes (another must see)

Frequency

Under Suspicion (gotta watch it)

Thirteen Days (historical look)

Shakespeare In Love

Superstar

Notting Hill

Jackie Brown (another Q.Tarantino)

Wayne’s World 1,2

Rush Hour 1,2

Bull Durham

Forrest Gump

Young Frankenstein

Jerry Maguire

Bulworth

Father of the Bride

Holy Man

The Whole Nine Yards

Election

Waking Ned Devine

Good Morning Vietnam

The Kid

Big Daddy

Die Hard 1,2,3

The 13th Warrior

Blade

Backdraft

Hart’s War

Thomas Crowne Affair

Pianist

Recruit

The Right Stuff (must see)

Road to Perdition

S1M0NE

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Tuck Everlasting

The Transporter

Thelma and Louise

Tears of the Sun

White Oleander

Young Guns 1 and 2

American History X

Analyze This

Analyze That

Catch Me If You Can

City by the Sea

Dances with Wolves

Formula 51

The Emperor’s Club

Die Another Day (just in case you were in a coma)

The Four Feathers

Frailty

The Englishmen or English Gentlemen

 

Hunt for Red October

Patriot Games

Clear and Present Danger

Sum of All Fears

…..Tom Clancy’s books, view in that order

Update: Moved from Page to Post

Tasting Flight

When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
Leonardo da Vinci

One 3 Min MP3 = 5″²9″³ High Stack of Punchcards

In case you were wondering: how many punchcards it would take to store an MP3:

“Assuming a non-Hollerith encoding with eight bits per column, and an MP3 file encoded at 128kbps CBR, there would be 36,864 cards in that deck, and the card reader would need a throughput of 205 cards per second. It might be wise to include an 8-column sequence number, however, so that a misordered deck can be repaired by a card sorter; with 72 data columns per card, the total is precisely 40,960 cards (40K cards), requiring a 228 card/second throughput.” The 21 boxes of cards needed would by 5 feet 9 inches tall. That such a huge leap in technology is well within living memory astonishes Y.

Link via Waxy via Boing Boing

Why Don’t I Have a Girlfriend?

Came accross this on del.icio.us.

I always new there was some calculation like this out there:

Why I Will Never Have A Girlfriend

Tristan Miller
German Research Center for Artificial Intelligence1
20 December 1999

Why don’t I have a girlfriend?

This is a question that practically every male has asked himself at one point or another in his life. Unfortunately, there is rarely a hard and fast answer to the query. Many men try to reason their way through the dilemma nonetheless, often reaching a series of ridiculous explanations, each more self-deprecating than the last: “Is it because I’m too shy, and not aggressive enough? Is it my opening lines? Am I a boring person? Am I too fat or too thin? Or am I simply ugly and completely unattractive to women?” When all other plausible explanations have been discounted, most fall back on the time-honoured conclusion that “there must be Something Wrong™ with me” before resigning themselves to lives of perpetual chastity.2

Not the author, though. I, for one, refuse to spend my life brooding over my lack of luck with women. While I’ll be the first to admit that my chances of ever entering into a meaningful relationship with someone special are practically non-existent, I staunchly refuse to admit that it has anything to do with some inherent problem with me. Instead, I am convinced that the situation can be readily explained in purely scientific terms, using nothing more than demographics and some elementary statistical calculus.

Lest anyone suspect that my standards for women are too high, let me allay those fears by enumerating in advance my three criteria for the match. First, the potential girlfriend must be approximately my age — let’s say 21 plus or minus three or four years. Second, the girl must be beautiful (and I use that term all-encompassingly to refer to both inner and outer beauty). Third, she must also be reasonably intelligent — she doesn’t have to be Mensa material, but the ability to carry on a witty, insightful argument would be nice. So there they are — three simple demands, which I’m sure everyone will agree are anything but unreasonable.

That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible — in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend. I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data permits. And I should note, too, that there will be no statistical trickery involved here; I have cited all my sources and provided all relevant calculations3 in case anyone wishes to conduct their own independent review. Let’s now take a look at the figures.

Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5,592,830,000

[WP98, Table A-3]

We start with the largest demographic in which I am interested — namely, the population of this planet. That is not to say I’m against the idea of interstellar romance, of course; I just don’t assess the prospect of finding myself a nice Altairian girl as statistically significant. Now anyway, the latest halfway-reliable figures we have for Earth’s population come from the United States Census Bureau’s 1999 World Population Profile [WP98]. Due presumably to the time involved in compiling and processing census statistics, said report’s data is valid only as of 1998, so later on we’ll be making some impromptu adjustments to bring the numbers up to date.

…who are female: 2,941,118,000

[WP98, Table A-7]

I’d’ve thought that, given the title of this essay, this criterion goes without saying. In case anyone missed it, though, I am looking for exclusively female companionship. Accordingly, roughly half of the Earth’s population must be discounted. Sorry, guys.

…in “developed” countries: 605,601,000

[WP98, Table A-7]

We now further restrict the geographical area of interest to so-called “first-world countries”. My reasons for doing so are not motivated out of contempt for those who are economically disadvantaged, but rather by simple probability. My chances of meeting a babe from Bhutan or a goddess from Ghana, either in person or on the Internet, are understandably low. In fact, I will most likely spend nearly my entire life living and working in North America, Europe, and Australia, so it is to these types of regions that the numbers have been narrowed.

…currently (in 2000) aged 18 to 25: 65,399,083

[WP98, Tables A-3 & A-7]

Being neither a pedophile nor a geriatrophile, I would like to restrict my search for love to those whose age is approximately equal to my own. This is where things get a bit tricky, for two reasons: first, the census data is nearly two years old, and second, the “population by age” tables in [WP98] are not separated into individual ages but are instead quantized into “15–19″ (of whom there are 39,560,000) and “20–44″ (population 215,073,000). Women aged 15 to 19 in 1998 will be aged 17 to 21 in 2000; in this group, I’m interested in dating those 18 or older, so, assuming the “15–19″ girls’ ages are uniformly distributed, we have

39560000 \times \frac{\cup\left (18,21\right )+1}{\cup\left (15,19\right )+1} = 31648000

Similarly, of 1998’s “20–44” category, there are now

215073000 \times \frac{\cup\left (22,25\right )+1}{\cup\left (20,44\right )+1} = 34411680

females within my chosen age limit. The sum, 66,059,680, represents the total number of females aged 18 to 25 in developed countries in 2000. Unfortunately, roughly 1% of these girls will have died since the census was taken;4 thus, the true number of so-far eligible bachelorettes is 65,399,083.

…who are beautiful: 1,487,838

Personal attraction, both physically and personality-wise, is an important instigator of any relationship. Of course, beauty is a purely subjective trait whose interpretation may vary from person to person. Luckily it is not necessary for me to define beauty in this essay except to state that for any given beholder, it will probably be normally distributed amongst the population.5 Without going into the specifics of precisely which traits I admire, I will say that for a girl to be considered really beautiful to me, she should fall at least two standard deviations above the norm. From basic statistics theory, the area to the left of the normal curve at z = 2 is

\frac{1}{2}-\frac{1}{\sqrt{2\pi }} \cdot \int_{0}^{2} e^{-\frac{1}{2}z^{2}}dz\approx 0.02275

and so it is this number with which we multiply our current population pool.

…and intelligent: 236,053

Again, intelligence can mean different things to different people, yet I am once more relieved of making any explanation by noting that it, like most other characteristics, has a notionally normal distribution across the population. Let’s assume that I will settle for someone a mere one standard deviation above the normal; in that case, a further

\frac{1}{2}+\frac{1}{\sqrt{2\pi }} \cdot \int_{0}^{2} e^{-\frac{1}{2}z^{2}}dz\approx 84.1345\%

of the population must be discounted.

…and not already committed: 118,027

I could find no hard statistics on the number of above-noted girls who are already married, engaged, or otherwise committed to a significant other, but informal observation and anecdotal evidence leads me to believe that the proportion is somewhere around 50%. (Fellow unattached males will no doubt have also noticed a preponderance of girls legitimately offering, “Sorry, I already have a boyfriend” as an excuse not to go on a date.) For reasons of morality (and perhaps too self-preservation), I’m not about to start hitting on girls who have husbands and boyfriends. Accordingly, that portion of the female population must also be considered off-limits.

…and also might like me: 18,726

Naturally, finding a suitable girl who I really like is no guarantee that she’ll like me back. Assuming, as previously mentioned, that personal attractiveness is normally distributed, there is a mere 50% chance that any given female will consider me even marginally attractive. In practice, however, people are unlikely to consider pursuing a relationship with someone whose looks and personality just barely suffice. Let’s make the rather conservative assumption, then, that a girl would go out with someone if and only if they were at least one standard deviation above her idea of average. In that case, referring to our previous calculation, only 15.8655% of females would consider someone with my physical characteristics and personality acceptable as a potential romantic partner.

Conclusion

It is here, at a pool of 18,726 acceptable females, that we end our statistical analysis. At first glance, a datable population of 18,726 may not seem like such a low number, but consider this: assuming I were to go on a blind date with a new girl about my age every week, I would have to date for 3493 weeks before I found one of the 18,726. That’s very nearly 67 years. As a North American male born in the late 1970s, my life expectancy is probably little more than 70 years, so we can safely say that I will be quite dead before I find the proverbial girl of my dreams. Come to think of it, she’ll probably be dead too.


So there you have it, my friends — finally, a cogent, scientific, non-self-deprecating argument for why I will never have a girlfriend. That said, if you happen to be a girl deluded enough to think that you and I have a chance together, feel free to drop me a line, but I warn you, you face odds of 157,060 to 1. I wouldn’t bother if I were you.

Update (2000-04-01):
My sarcastic pleas for some e-mail have finally been answered. Take a look at this letter from a hysterical female reader, which I think perfectly demonstrates the point of this entire essay. (I think the fact that she’s a WebTV user explains a lot — in fact, I was sure this e-mail was an April Fool’s joke until I noticed the return address.)


Bibliography

[WP98]
U.S. Bureau of the Census, Report WP/98, World Population Profile: 1998. Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office, 1999

  1. This paper was written when the author was at Griffith University, Australia. ↩

  2. After a short period of brooding, of course, these males will eventually come to the realization that the real reason they were never able to get a girlfriend is that they were too discriminating with their attentions. They will consequently return to the dating scene, entering a sequence of blasé relationships with mediocre girls for whom they don’t really care, until they finally marry one out of fear of spending the rest of their lives alone. I am convinced that this behaviour is the real reason for today’s alarmingly high divorce rate. ↩

  3. Due to rounding, figures cited may not add up exactly. ↩

  4. [WP98] gives the annual death rate for developed countries as 10 per 1000, but does not list death rates per age group. Presumably, the death rate graphs as a bathtub curve, but in absence of any numbers supporting this hypothesis, and for the sake of simplicity, I will conservatively estimate the death rate among this age group to be 1% biennially. ↩

  5. Despite my efforts to research the matter, I could find no data on the distribution of beauty, either outer or inner, amongst the population. Perhaps attractiveness, being a largely subjective trait, does not lend itself to quantification. It is not unreasonable, however, to assume that like most other traits, it has a normal distribution. Indeed, this assumption seems to be backed up by informal observation and judgment — in any reasonably large group of people, most of them will be average-looking, and a tiny minority either exceedingly beautiful or exceedingly ugly. ↩

The War on Terror: As Viewed From The Bourne Shell

This gave me a good laugh, something good for a Monday. From Sun Ray Blog:

$ cd /middle_east
$ ls
Afghanistan Iraq Libya Saudi_Arabia UAE
Algeria Israel Morrocco Sudan Yemen
Bahrain Jordan Oman Syria
Egypt Kuwait Palestine Tunisia
Iran Lebanon Qatar Turkey

$ cd Afghanistan
$ ls
bin Taliban
$ rm Taliban
rm: Taliban is a directory
$ cd Taliban
$ ls
soldiers
$ rm soldiers
$ cd ..
$ rmdir Taliban
rmdir: directory "Taliban": Directory not empty
$ cd Taliban
$ ls -a
. .. .insurgents
$ chown -R USA .*
chown: .insurgents: Not owner
$ cd ..
$ su
Password: *******
# mv Taliban /tmp
# exit
$ ls
bin
$ cd bin
$ ls
laden
$ cd ..
$ rm -r bin/laden
bin/laden: No such file or directory
$ find / -name laden
$
$ su
Password: *******
# mv bin /tmp
# exit
$ pwd
/middle_east/Afghanistan
$ cd /opt/UN
$ ln -s /Bad_Guys/Al_Qaeda /middle_east/Iraq/.
ln: cannot create /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda: Permission denied
$ su
Password:*******
# ln -s /Bad_Guys/Al_Qaeda /middle_east/Iraq/.
# cd /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda
Al_Qaeda: does not exist
# rm /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda
# mkfile 100g /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda
mkfile: No space left on device
# rm /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda
# cd /opt/Coalition/Willing
# mkfile 1b /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda
# chown -R USA:Proof /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda
#exit
$ cd /middle_east/Iraq
$ ls
saddam
$ ls
saddam
$ ls
saddam
$ ls -a
. .. saddam
$ find / -name [Ww][Mm][Dd]
/Korea/North/wMd
$ wall Propaganda.txt
Broadcast Message from USA (pts/1) on USS_Abraham_Lincoln Th May 1st
Mission Accomplished!
$ rm saddam
saddam: No such file or directory
$ find / -name saddam
/var/opt/dictators/spiderhole/saddam
$ wall NewsWorthy.txt
Broadcast Message from USA (pts/1) on Time.Magazine Sat Dec 13
We Got Him!
$ mv /var/opt/dictators/spiderhole/saddam /opt/jail
$ cd /opt/USA
$ cp -Rp Democracy /middle_east/Iraq
$ cd /middle_east/Iraq/Democracy
$ ./install
Install Error: Install failed. See install_log for details.
$ more install_log
Installed failed!
Prerequisite packages missing
Conflicting package Wahhabism found in /midde_east/Saudi_Arabia
Packages Church and State must be installed separately
File System /PeakOil nearing capacity
Please read the install guide to properly plan your installation.
$

Hearing the Sumatra-Andaman Quake

Wow. I listened to the audio file [mp3] and it is really errie.

From livescience.com:

Sound from last December’s huge tsunami-causing earthquake was picked up by underwater microphones designed to listen for nuclear explosions.

Scientists this week released an audio file of the frighteningly long-lasting cracks and splits along the Sumatra-Andaman Fault in the Indian Ocean.

The spine-tingling hiss and rumble is an eerie reminder of the devastation and death that is still being tallied in the largest natural disaster in modern times.

Remembering James Doohan

From www.startrek.com:

James Doohan is best known to Star Trek fans as Scotty (“Montgomery Scott”), the chief engineer aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise, in the original Star Trek series.

Doohan was born on March 3, 1920, in Vancouver, British Columbia, and spent his early years in there and in Sarnia, Ontario. Surviving the anguish of living with an alcoholic father, he left home at age 19 to join the Canadian Forces, fighting with the Allies in World War II. After outscoring his fellow soldiers on an officer’s exam, he became Captain in the Royal Canadian Artillery. While leading his men into battle on D-Day, Doohan was wounded in the leg and hand, and eventually lost a finger. For the remainder of the war, he became a pilot observer, and received the dubious distinction of being called the “craziest pilot in the Canadian Air Forces.”

After returning home to Canada, Doohan performed a few scenes for the local radio station, and was awarded a two-year scholarship to the Neighborhood Playhouse in New York City. Beginning in 1946, he trained at the Playhouse with Sanford Meisner, alongside such future stars as Leslie Nielsen, Tony Randall and Jackie Gleason.

In the ensuing eight years, Doohan shuttled between New York and Canada where he worked on 4000 radio programs, 400 live and taped variety and dramatic television shows, several films and plays. Though he became known as Canada’s busiest actor, he eventually found himself following other fellow actors in the pilgrimage to Hollywood. There, his versatility and talent as a dialectician helped him earn parts in more than 100 motion pictures and television series, including The Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Fantasy Island, “Loaded Weapon 1″³ and “Double Trouble.” He has also appeared in the first seven Star Trek motion pictures.

In the years since the final episode of Star Trek, Doohan has pursued a speaking career which has taken him to more than 250 colleges throughout the U.S. and Canada. In addition, he makes appearances at numerous Star Trek conventions.

Doohan lived in Redmond, Washington, with his wife Wende and his sons, Eric and Thomas. In April 2000, James and Wende gave birth to another child, Sarah.

James Doohan passed away on July 20, 2005 at his home. Wende, his wife of 28 years, was at his side.

Gamers face jail in Greece

This just baffles me. Why would any government do this? Makes me glad to be an American.

From ZDNet

A new law passed in Greece means that anybody carrying an electronic game – even if it is just on a mobile phone – could face a hefty fine or lengthy jail sentence

Here’s the complete text of the law:
LAW NUMBER 3037 – 30 July 2002

GAMING PROHIBITION

The President of Greek Republic

We issue the following law which was voted by the Greek Parliament

———————

Article 1

Game categories

———————

According to notion of the commands of the current law:

a. Mechanical games are those, that depend on one’s muscle force.

b. Electrical games are those, that depend on electrical mechanisms.

c. Electromechanical games are those that depend on electrical mechanisms and the use of one’s muscle force.

d. Electronic games are those, that depend on both electrical-electronic mechanisms and software.

e. Entertainment technical games are those, whose result depends exclusively on the ability and skill of the

player, and are used solely for entertainment.

The category (e) also includes all card games which had been characterised as

“technical” games, according to the statement of law F.E.K A21.

———————————————-

Article 2

Game prohibition

———————————————-

1. Operation and installation of any game of type (b), (c) and (d) of Article 1, including computer games,

placed in public places such as hotels, cafeterias, organization halls and in any other public or private

place, is prohibited.

2. Operation of games of type (e) is allowed in devices of type (a). Regarding these games, it is prohibited to place bets.

Such bets will attract penalties described in Articles 4 and 5.

————————-

Article 3

Internet cafes

————————–

The prohibition of using computers described in Article 2 does not affect internet cafes, as long as the computers

are not used for any gaming activities.

To be able to run an Internet cafe, a special permit is required from the municipal or the state where the

company is based) and from its starting point (port) if it is a boat based company. According to the first

application of this measure, the company should be equipped with this permit in three months

from the issue date of this law.

———————-

Article 4

Criminal sanctions

———————-

1. Any persons who manage or depend on centres or other places as described in paragraph 1 of Article 2

where games prohibited by the previous Articles are in use or even exist, will be penalised with at least

three months of jail plus a fine of at least 5,000 Euros. If this offense is repeated, the penalty will be at least

one year of jail plus a fine between 25,000 and 75,000 Euros. The court will also command the confiscation

of all those games.

2. The orders for the games of type “c”, in paragraph 1, paragraph 3 and 4 of Article 7 of the coded command

29/1971 are followed accordingly.

—————————–

Article 5

Administrative sanctions

—————————–

1. Apart from the criminal sanctions, if it is found that a prohibited game, according to the commands of the previous

articles, there will be a fine of 10,000 Euros for every such game and permanent taking away of the business

license, according to the orders of Article 7.

2. The fine will be based on the decision of the corresponding authority, in paragraph 1 of Article 6, who had

found the violation. In this decision the violation will be described, the fine will be underlined, as well as the

order in use. Together with this decision, a copy of the violation report will be notified towards the violator.

—————————————–

Article 6

Report of confirmation of violations

——————————————

1. The police authorities are responsible to enforce this law. The port authorities are responsible for boats

traveling domestically, and for any other boats staying at the corresponding port.

2. If the authorities for the “body for fighting financial crime” find violations of the law for the games, they

will impose the sanctions and will proceed to actions described in the previous article.

—————-

Article 7

Authorization

—————-

1. The terms, conditions, procedures and permits for Internet companies are determined by the common decision

of the Ministry of Finance, Ministry of Internal Affairs, Ministry of Public Administration, Ministry of Public Order

and Ministry of Trading.

2. A similar decision establishes the authority which enforces the taking away of business licenses, the

procedure of taking it away as well as any other necessary details for applying the orders of this law.

————–

Article 8

Tax returns

————–

Whoever has already paid ” tax for running businesses with entertainment technical games” for 2002 for

electronical, electrical or electromechanical games, will have their tax returned corresponding to the time

of the publication of the law in the Government’s Paper until the end of the year. No returns will be made

in the case of violation of the law for games and there is no awaiting court case in front of the Committee

in paragraph 4 of article 15 of law 2753/1999 (FEK 249 A’).

—————————————

Article 9

Maintained and transitive orders

—————————————

1. With the orders of this law, there are no complications with the orders of the law 2206/1994 (FEK 62 A’)

as well as the rest of the orders regarding casinos.

2. From the start of the enforcement of this law, the three-member game committees which are established by

the orders in paragraph 4 of article 15 of law 2753/1999, cease to exist. They will still exist though, until the

finish of check up of the game machines that had been binded by the auditor authorities and for which there

had been a reserve.

————————–

Articles 10, 11, and 12 describe the changes in the laws only for card games and are not relative with the

game machine orders.

————————–

ATHENS 29th of July 2002

Top Ten Questions People Ask About Switching to Internet Telephones

This is a great article on Voice-over-IP (VoIP) written by James E. Gaskin of O’Reilly Network. If you have/use a telephone at home and haven’t considered VoIP (and even if you have), drop what you’re doing right now and read this. This is the future and the future is awesome:

By James E. Gaskin

When I speak with individuals or groups about internet telephones, I hear the same questions over and over. That helped me as I wrote the book Talk Is Cheap, because the more questions I could answer in the book, the more value it will have to readers.

Some cynical people (my teenage daughter, for instance) believe these questions highlight the lack of logical thinking in America today. A better way to look at it is to consider the range of questions as illustrative of areas where internet telephone vendors, and the press, have dropped the information ball.

So I’ll start the information ball rolling, with a caveat: most of these questions do not have a single answer. Some answers depend on the telephone service provider you choose, and others depend on the preferences you set.

1. Can I Keep the Same Phone Number?

Yes, with most services you can keep your existing telephone number. It can take up to ten business days to switch your existing number from your traditional telephone company to your new internet telephone service provider. During that time, your new provider gives you a temporary number so you can start dialing out over your new service while receiving calls over your traditional telephone provider line.

Rarely, some traditional telephone providers will not transfer the number to your internet telephone provider. Technical reasons are usually blamed, but those excuses are wearing thin, and most traditional telephone providers now realize they have to switch numbers when requested. If this becomes an issue for you, look for an internet telephone provider that has a better technical relationship to your existing telephone company.

2. Do I Need a Broadband Connection?

Since we’re talking about broadband phones (another name for internet telephones, or internet telephony, or VoIP, the ugly acronym for “Voice Over Internet Protocol”), asking if broadband is required seems to validate my daughter’s cynicism. However, several internet telephone services in the past have advertised internet calling over dialup connections. Skype, currently the most popular VoIP service in the world, encouraged this thinking early on.

However, the answer to this question is always, “Yes, you need a broadband connection.” Even if dialup connections are possible, their sound quality stinks.

3. How Does It Sound?

Better than expected, at least most of the time. Using an internet telephone to call a regular telephone drops the audio quality down to the level of a regular telephone call, which, frankly, is pretty low. Conversations between two people using the same service will almost always be better than a regular telephone call.

When you use headsets with microphones that support a wider audio frequency range than normal telephone handsets, the quality can be startlingly good. Skype, the computer-to-computer telephone service, transmits the full frequency range of human hearing. A good Skype-to-Skype connection with good headsets will fool you into thinking the person is in the chair beside you rather than an ocean away.

4. Will I Really Save Money?

Only one group will not save money with internet telephones: people without broadband service who have no extra features (like Caller ID or Call Waiting) on their phones and make no long distance calls whatsoever. Every other consumer will save money using an internet telephone provider.

If you already have a broadband service provider, you will save money with an internet telephone. Period.

Brand-name internet telephone service starts as low as $10 per month. No Ma Bell company holdover charges less than $20 per month per line after all of the assorted fees and taxes. While the entry-level broadband phone service will limit the number of minutes included in your monthly service before charging by the minute, unlimited minute plans (including long distance calls to Canada, and sometimes Mexico) start at $20 per month.

5. What if the Power Goes Out?

You’re hosed, unless you’ve taken some extra steps not necessary with traditional telephones. But if you use cordless phones, you’re hosed when the power goes out, even with a traditional telephone company.

Traditional telephones receive power from the telephone line itself, sent out by the telephone company central office. But cordless phones require more power and can’t get enough from the telephone line, which is why they all include a separate power cord for the base station.

Prepared people plug their broadband modem, router, and all other internet telephony equipment into a battery backup unit. Widely available for computers, these units are now restyled for broadband phone equipment use. For a few dollars, lack of power will not mean lack of your internet telephone.

6. What About 911?

No lack of headlines lately, is there? Broadband phone vendors haven’t done as much as they should have to start with, but what isn’t reported in the press has been the blocking of 911 access connections by traditional telephone companies in many parts of the country. The antiquated 911 infrastructure also makes it difficult in many areas to support modern networking protocols and connections used by the broadband phone vendors.

Now that Congress and the Federal Communications Commission have jumped in, traditional telephone companies should be more accommodating. However, the FCC only directs them to “play nicely” with the internet telephone services.

When consumers register their new broadband phones properly, providing the physical address where installed, 911 service works well. Vonage, for example, has successfully routed over 65,000 911 calls made by its customers.

Interestingly, 911 services over internet telephones will, within two years, provide much better emergency service information than traditional telephone 911 calls today.

7. Why Do I Need Free Long Distance if I Get Free Long Distance from My Cell Phone?

Maybe you don’t need an internet telephone for long distance if you’re happy with your cell phone. But most users find cell phone bills have a way of surprising them now and then, after accidentally going over their allotment of minutes and triggering extra charges.

Need a better reason? Many users enjoy having all of their personal-number voice mails delivered to them via email (even at work, if you list that address), a service many broadband phone companies provide.

8. Do I Need a Computer?

While very few homes without a computer have a broadband network connection, it is possible to use a service like Vonage without a computer. The initial setup, however, must be done via the Web, which does require a computer.

The answer is technically, no, but realistically, yes, you do need a computer.

9. Do I Have to Talk Through My Computer?

Only if you want to. For peer-to-peer connections, such as Skype, you must go through a computer. I call these computer-centric broadband phone services. Phone-centric providers, like Vonage, don’t require a computer in the loop and use your existing telephone to make and receive calls.

This distinction rarely appears in the press reports about internet telephones, and it’s a critical difference. Skype and other computer-centric services will rarely, if ever, be considered as the best choice for the only telephone in a household. However, some of the features in Skype truly extend the notion of a telephone. Skype is not only “out of the box,” but it explodes and shatters the box.

10. How Does Internet Telephony Perform?

Quite well, actually.

Seriously, internet telephones rely on a similar network for making phone connections as the one traditional telephone companies have used for years. Every long distance call for decades has gone over a network similar to the internet, if not actually segments of the “real” internet. The difference is that the physical wires connecting your home telephone to your service provider are not the pair of copper wires installed by the traditional telephone company, but your broadband network connection.

The chief technical officer for Vonage, Louie Mamakos, says, “it’s telephone service over broadband, not your phone company,” and most people are satisfied with that answer. There are many technical layers under that quick answer, but consumers have accepted cable TV, satellite TV, and cell phones, and they seem to accept that internet telephones reach all the other telephones in the world. It doesn’t matter to users if the calls leave the house over a coax cable from the cable company instead of a pair of copper wires from a traditional telephone company.

Summary

People like internet telephones when they try them. The added features, included free from the various broadband phone service providers, match and sometimes overwhelm the services traditional telephone companies offer. Internet telephone service companies have developed more innovations in less than 10 years than Ma Bell has in over 100 years. Everyone leaves home sooner or later, and thousands of people just like you are weaning themselves from Ma Bell every week.